For all of you Disnerds (TM- Zach Levi again)
Dear Snow White,
Could you just get over yourself and find your own damn prince? What’s with all the occupying yourself with cleaning and cooking for seven little men? Is that really all you can do? Girl, you have issues. Maybe a little OCD.
You’re really going to fall in love with the prince in one night at the ball? Kind of silly, don’t you think? Plus, you really need to keep track of time because that wise old lady said, “Be back by midnight.” So you better leave before you turn into a pumpkin.
I’ve got nothing bad to say about you. You are by far the coolest Disney Princess ever because you’ve got a mind of your own. Just chill when your daddy tells you there are some things he doesn’t want you to do. He loves you, really, and he only cares about your safety. You know you are his favorite little girl.
I’ve got nothing bad to say about you either. I can’t think of anything bad. You really know how to tame a beast and be nice to everyone in your path, well, except for that awful Gaston.
New Orleans is the place to party after work. Notice I said AFTER. Your work should be fun and you should enjoy yourself after a long day of working. Have some fun with your prince once in a while, ok?
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals with your true love, Eugene Fitzherbert, who I understand is going to be the new prince of your kingdom. Just do me a favor and look out for him if he does anything stupid; he is prone to trouble a lot. I think you know that already.
Next time: the real Disney girls, the ones who rule (Raven-Symone, Hilary Duff) and the ones who are just… well, sucky. (Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez)