Courtesy Cards: Disney Girls part three

Dear ladies of The Big Bang Theory,

You did a fabulous job at portraying the three main Disney Princesses for your gentlemen. If only Raj’s new lady was dressed as Jasmine. The only thing I can say is Amy, you need to forget waiting for Sheldon to kiss you like the prince did to Snow White, because he has Asperger’s. It will be a long time before he gets the urge to kiss you. So to quote that God-awful Neon Trees song “Animal” that I can’t stand for a minute, what are you waiting for? Kiss him already!

Dear Miley Cyrus,

Since when do you have the right to follow in the footsteps of Britney Spears? You used to be sweet little Hannah Montana and now you’re arrogant about showing off your sexuality? What’s gotten into you? Plus, you really need to learn how to write your own songs because every time I think of you, I hear that damn “Party in the U.S.A.” that makes me want to vomit.

Dear Hilary Duff,

You’re an awesome, cool chick. You were Lizzie McGuire before Miley was Hannah Montana. You gave girls an idea of how fun a girl’s life should be like in high school. You talked about real situations any girl could get into and you turned out ok in the end. I still have the songs “So Yesterday” and “Come Clean” in my head, along with some others. So what happened? Where are your new CDs and any movies you’re working on? Have you retired already? Please don’t tell me you’re writing another book. Stop writing and get back into the know, girl!

Dear Selena Gomez,

Congratulations on your breakup with that Justin idiot. He really sucked anyway, hence why I call him “Justin Beaver”. (Some staff writer of 2 Broke Girls stole that idea from me. Just kidding.) Just a few minor notes though. Write your own songs. Stop singing like a whiny pop star and get influenced by rockers. Forget synthesizers. And please pronounce your name correctly. Sel-AY-nah, not Sel-EE-nah. You’re a Hispanic chick who has more guts to ditch the ridiculous jerks and love music than anyone else. Maybe find an older guy who’s not as arrogant and well… not a douche. Be smarter, cooler… harder, better, faster, stronger.

Dear Christina Aguilera,

You embraced your sexuality and have a perfect rapport on the press. You don’t act like an idiot when you go out to talk to people or do your performance. The only thing is, fix your wardrobe and your hairstyles. I want to see more of what you looked like in your “Ain’t No Other Man” music video. You were really hip going for the old 40s swing idea in bringing back jazz. Bring it on back again!

Dear Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears,

I can’t say anything nice about either of you right now. Sorry. Keeping my mouth shut like Thumper the rabbit until I come up with something nice to say.


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