Courtesy Cards: the startlings of summer

My 45th post! (getting closer to the 50th…)

Dear Maryland Live Casino,

I hear you guys have been open for one whole year, bringing in millions of dollars for education and a lot more government efforts. That really is great and all, but did anyone tell you that gambling is the root of all evil? But I guess all you Eggman Robotniks care about is tricking Sonic the Hedgehog and the Freedom Fighters in throwing away hard-earned gold rings. Or maybe, they’ll just “forget” about paying taxes on their winnings, like Steve Martin.

Dear Real Angry Birds of Maryland,

You blackbirds did a wonderful job at guarding your nest from pedestrians a while ago. You pecked and cannonball’d at those wandering pigs floating down the street. Never mind that you idiots put the nest on a light post by a Baltimore crosswalk.

Dear National Football League,

On the news recently, you guys put a big backpack ban on the stadiums, even the Ravens stadium, after the Boston disaster. Good for you! Now we can never bring our own cans of beer, ice cream, juice boxes, fireworks, and sparklers to the game! What fun is that for an awesome football game?

Dear President of Russia,

I feel like I should congratulate you for acquiring your new one-of-a-kind Patriots’ Super Bowl ring. Though, there’s one thing I don’t understand… if you wanted to be Vladimir Putin on the glitz, you could have just asked for your own ring, not sweep it from the owner. Then again, you did do the Ravens justice with what they did at the 2013 Playoffs!

Dear Baltimore weather,

Ah, the first day of summer! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

First you made it rain after Father’s Day, getting my books and purse all wet… you know how much I hate that. I even have to pay to replace the book I borrowed from the library because it got wet, thank you very much. So, that will take up all my parents’ money and I’ll have no presents for my birthday.

Second, it’s now hot and sticky and sweaty, plus you gave me sunburn last Friday and I didn’t expect to wear sunscreen! I wear sunscreen at the beach, not when I’m walking!

And thanks for giving my boyfriend and all my friends the summer off so they could get busy working or taking care of their kids. I really need to be lonely.

Well, at least I’ll have my NaNoWriMo and writing addiction to nurse all summer long! Just like Felicia Day and her online game addiction in The Guild! Talking to people on the computer is so much lonelier and better than talking to people in person.

God, I wish it was winter. Hey, how about a Christmas in July for my 25th birthday? Can you do that?


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