The big fifty

I’ve been waiting and waiting. Putting it off for so long… to post blog update number 50.

The past week has been incredibly depressing. My boyfriend dumped me, I learned I didn’t get the part time job with the studio my best friend has been raving about for so long, and I had been meaning to get together with some people I knew from school or elsewhere, but they all stood me up somehow.

A few days ago, I found this link on Facebook to a blog post on Tumblr. It gave the most beautiful story about one person’s list of things to tell herself on her 25th birthday. Her family also participated by writing 25 things she should do now that she’s 25 years old, but she also gave herself some affirmations to shoot for in her age.

That reminded me of something. I wrote a poem about things I would tell myself if I had access to a time machine (ha, I’m getting wrapped up in Doctor Who now, especially with my yearning for everything Tardis colored or shaped). This is what I came up with at the age of 21:

“Things I could have told myself”

Age 17: Talk to Meryem.
I don’t care how jealous you are of her
She has a better voice than you, so what.
She seems like a nice person
Don’t call her a snooty princess
You suck at singing
Don’t freak out when those boys
start dancing around you like monkeys
You’re an oblivious idiot

The poem continues with some gut wrenching, tearful, and emotional things I wanted to tell myself upon graduating high school and going to college. It also contains real situations that happened when I went to school those years. I made way too many mistakes in my young age and I’m now paying for it.

I should have listened to my father’s advice: “Take a second major and don’t leave school until the economy gets better.”

In fact, that’s something I should write about because I am now officially 25.

“25 things more to tell myself”

Happy Faberge birthday, sweetie
You made way too many mistakes
Here’s how you can fix that:

1, Get a freaking job
even if it’s a temp job that isn’t in your field.
2, Learn to drive
You’re 25 now
and old enough to drive
With the money you’ll make
from your temp job
you can afford a car and insurance.
3, Forget your last boyfriend who dumped you
He’s a total ass
He only wanted to see how far he could
get in your pants
He never wanted to do things
outside his backyard with you
He took “No place like home” too seriously.
4, Finish your novels
Hurry up or you’ll never be published.
5, Read your best friend’s work
Give her critiques and do it soon.
6, Stop procrastinating
You’re not in college anymore.
9, Spend more time with your mom
Sure, she’s only 50
but she loves you and you’ll have her
for only a little while longer.
15, Tell your childhood friend
you’re now out of the nerd closet
and that stupid Pink blog is ancient history
You’re in the same boat he is.

There’s more to it, but I’ll post more of it later.

And then again, I rarely listen to my internal voice that’s really the voice of reason.

Oh hell, I’m never going to be successful and published, am I? 😦

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