Yes, it’s true. After a long bout of crazy personal matters, Rachel Beth is back to stay.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything in my blogs, for I’ve had a mixture of feelings going on since October 2013, making it harder for me to write. Those of you who don’t know, it was caused by a chain reaction of events leading to my blog neglect: my boyfriend of seven months leaving me, a car accident in Parkville that gave me my first panic attack in months, and my looming 26th birthday in about five months from now, which may not seem short but it is to me.
But I am not letting that get me down, for I am The Author. I am The Doctor, Amy Pond, River Song, Jack Harkness, Sarah Jane Smith and Clara Oswald all in one when it comes to Doctor Who characters. In un-geek terms, that means I can be bubbly and cheerful, but I am also a brave editor, writer and journalist, a youth at heart, a music lover (especially rock and roll), and most of all—a creative thinker and juxtaposed dreamer who won’t back down.
I’ve tried killing my dreams of being a writer, to put it bluntly, but my dreams are like that show The Walking Dead. They won’t die without a fight.
For a while, I thought of giving up writing my stories. I told my best friend Kerensa that I should give up the first novel I ever wrote, The Midsummer Clause, and she told me she liked it and I should revise it somehow. I kept telling her it was a lame idea and the characters and dialogue could never be developed anymore because I couldn’t find a way to complicate the plot more and the characters were too black and white. Still, she said, “Work on it! You never know, just give it a chance.”
Then I tried giving up my blogs, or even neglecting the internet altogether for days at a time. This I couldn’t possibly do because I needed to search for a job and people on my Facebook accounts- BOTH of them- kept asking me, “How’s your book coming along?” My readership always won over my thoughts.
And finally, for the longest time, two years almost to the day, I tried giving up journalism as a paid job. Right now, I’m going from staffing agency to staffing agency, sending out my resume to several outlets through Career Builder, as I have been for the past couple of years. Every now and then, my publisher at Shockwave Magazine/Records would give me a story to do or I’d pitch something to him, but I’d still be staying at my parents’ house with no income. I don’t blame him, though, because it’s a free magazine. If we could get more web traffic, increased circulation and better advertising patrons giving us more money, we’d be in business and writers like me could get paid.
It’s not the magazine’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault. Blame it on the system, all systems in this country.
My now ex boyfriend said I was a dying breed of writer and I kind of took that to heart after we broke up. But what killed that thought and brought my dream back to life was when I went to the Farpoint convention this past weekend. My dad talked with his best friend from high school Lance at Ten Forward when I was looking to say hi. You know what Lance said to me?
“You’re a writer at Shockwave and you’re writing a novel? I’m so proud of you!”
This coming from a successful editor and novelist like him, I had nothing better to do than blush.
So, my journalist/novelist dream, dearest ex boyfriend, is not dying anymore. It has joined the legion of the undead. And no, I have no intension of killing that dream.
That said, I am in a sense Sylvia Plath’s “Lady Lazarus” when it comes to writing. I tried to kill my dreams and they kept resurfacing. So what am I supposed to do when that happens?
I’m going to enjoy my chocolate…
My Ghirardelli chocolate, yum, yum…
And write and read until my fingers fall off.
Maybe not in a literal sense.
Kerensa told me this was going to be our year. The new year has started, even in China (Year of the Horse!), and I’m not letting my Tale Lord side of me go down without a fight.
Pride and Prejudice is officially 201 years old and to commemorate the occasion, I will publish Northanger Raspberry Royale if it’s the last thing I do.
As for the whole job search, I won’t stop looking for something awesome. As soon as I find something, I’m going to hold onto it. If I have to wake up at six in the morning every day to do it, I will, and I will happily drink a cup of Earl Grey or blueberry green tea to stay awake for it.
Actually, I like the taste of Darjeeling. And I like the word too- Darjeeling. It’s a combination of darling and cheer… Darjeeling. No wonder Bigelow calls it “the champagne of black tea.”
Well, got nothing else left to say but a quote from Karen Gillan herself, from the Doctor Who episode “Asylum of the Daleks”:
Scared? Who’s scared? Geronimo.
Oh, and one more note to Steven Moffat: When are you going to show the next episode of the Twelfth Doctor and Clara? Please tell me you’ll stop writing about WWII in them and have your writers do something even more amazing!
By the way, Steven, I have an idea in mind for a fantabulous episode or crossover… would have been useful if Matt Smith didn’t regenerate into the Peter guy because you could have used him for this: “Voodoo in Louisiana”. Can’t tell you more about it now that Capaldi’s the new Doctor. Too bad. 😛
And finally, a tribute to all my writers and readers: