Courtesy Cards: so very weeeeeeeeeeeird…

Dear Maryland House of Delegates,
Sounds like you want in on the whole marijuana medicine deal just like Colorado. So all you have to do is say, “Hey man, it’s me! Can I get a hit on that? I’ve got seizures that make me go wild, man.” And then you get your special meds for the critically ill!
Dear Jimmy Fallon,
Another reason why not to get a truck: Mitt Romney and all the Evangelists, Methodists, and Mormons who think it’s cool to stuff all your offspring in the pickup trunk in the back. No real seatbelts for anyone and forget vans, you can just pick up your kids by the forklift and toss your children in the back of the truck. Then you can take some twine straps and tape your kids down so they won’t go anywhere. But Ford, Dodge Ram, and all those other truck dealerships have no liability for children flying out the big pickup truck fanny.
Dear Rescue Stink Bug traps,
It’s great that you found a way to catch stink bugs in a little trap… now the situation is finding a way to kill them. After all, spring is already here.
Dear KTLA News,
Little shaky, don’t you think? Hope you can maintain that 4.2 Richter scale earthquake and many other earthquakes to come since you’re in California. And since you guys are close to Encino, you might want to look out for any cavemen buried in your back yards before the next one or you start building a pool back there. And yeah, you might want to duck and cover like the anchors did the time that happened.
Dear WBAL-DT News,
No, there’s no earthquake coming our way and there are no more snow storms. So quit hiding under the desk; spring is going off to a rough start.
Dear Poland,
You did it! You made the biggest, largest domino arrangement with more than 5,000 books! I knew you didn’t get that intelligence for nothing, like my very first boyfriend did. Now, what do you say to teaching American kids how to put all those books to good use?
In fact, what about making peace with the Ukraine with dem books?


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