My “Do” Read List: Not-So Romantic Crap

(Or maybe it is romantic crap)

The rest of the Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot (for laughs): I started reading these books when I was in high school but I never really finished them. I have my own copy of book five, “Princess in Pink” where Princess Mia goes to the prom with her boyfriend Michael, but I never really read the rest of them. The movie version of book one (the first movie Oscar winner Anne Hathaway ever did) was awesome, and I feel pretty much the same as the first book as well. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I envied Mia Thermopolis; I wanted to be a princess when I was five years old. No, really. I said that when I grew up I wanted to be a princess at the age of five or six. My mother laughed at me. Girls can dream, can’t they? Funny thing is, look how I turned out—Prince William is married with a son and Prince Harry is kind of a playboy, and there really aren’t any single princes left out there right now. And me? I’m unemployed again, owing Sallie Mae a fortune for my college bills, and not doing anything most Friday nights.

Hence why I’ve given up on love for good.

Very Valentine by Adriana Trigiani: An Italian version of Sex and the City, picture the movie Moonstruck with lovely romantic characters working in small businesses in a trilogy. ‘Nough said.

The MANual by Steve Santagati: Just for laughs, I tried this one on for size. This guy, who claims himself to be a “bad boy” extraordinaire, tries to give ladies advice on grabbing the guy you really want. At first, I felt like committing hari kari when I took the “Do you like bad boys” quiz (I got a very low score… I didn’t want a bad boy or a nice guy, I needed my “pulse” checked, or really I wanted a non-existent angel), but then I laughed myself through the whole book. I read the funny dating faux pas that he outlined in the book and skipped all the parts about sex, and I just let myself smile through it until I got bored with it and dumped it back at the library.

Don’t take this book seriously, just like all the other “relationship advice” crap that you can find. Read to laugh at it.

Austenland by Shannon Hale (currently reading): It’s the movie’s fault! I saw the movie from the screenwriter of Napoleon Dynamite and gave it a rave review, for it was probably the most beautiful, hilarious romantic comedy about Jane Austen. And you know from what I’ve written that I cried at the end of the film because of how lovely Keri Russell finally gets the guy: “You are my fantasy.” Sadly, I already read the end of the novel and I wasn’t impressed, for the man Jane Hayes gets actually professes his love to her on a plane when he’s scared of flying and he was still an actor, not a history professor like I hoped. The movie is actually better with that last scene in Jane’s apartment that gave me tears, but I think I’ll give the rest of the book a second chance.

The rest of the Enchanted Inc. series by Shanna Swendson: I left off on “Don’t Hex with Texas” where it ended on an open-ended but happy note. Katie and her dream wizard Owen are finally back together and they’re finally going to catch the real bad guy Phelan Idris is working for at the black magic company Spellworks. There are three more novels in the series, which means it’ll take a lot more than just Owen’s powers and Katie’s magical immunity to stop them, even if it takes two books to stop them. Then again, I hope it all ends with Katie’s marriage to Owen with a beautiful wedding officiated by Merlin himself.

Then again, that’s the romantic in me talking and I really don’t want it getting the better of me. I’m happier being single forever. Romance and chivalry are fictional and never happen in real life, and if they did there would be no such thing as divorce in this world. Sorry to say.

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