It’s still Easter for some people around the world, but for me, it’s a little bit of a sad day as I’m going to a funeral later this evening.
A couple of weeks ago, my parents lost a very good friend of the family to cancer. I met him about 14 or 15 years ago when I was still in high school. John was a pretty funny guy, calling himself “The Godfather” of karaoke.
One of the things I loved to do every week was go to a karaoke bar and sing. That’s how we met him. We heard about Friday night karaoke at the Charred Rib on Ridgely Road next to the Lutherville Light Rail stop, when it was still there. The restaurant closed down and became a depressing little baby store, but John and his wife Fran didn’t stop the karaoke circuit.
I figured everyone has a time to die at one point or another, depending on how much life we have. But I didn’t think losing John would happen this fast. He was diagnosed with stage four cancer late last year and he lost his battle only a few months later. It’s been tough on everyone’s shoulders, especially my dad’s and Fran’s, of course.
After learning of his passing, I decided to take a new venture in learning to relax and use more positive affirmations. I tend to think to negatively on things: I’m probably never going to get published, I’m not going back to WTC for the rest of the program and trying something different, I’m going to see a neuropsychologist for an autism evaluation and I’m going to do something terrible when I find out I’m on the spectrum. I don’t want that to happen.
It’s as if when the day comes whether I find out if I have autism or not (which I’m hoping that my brain is normal with a bipolar issue), I feel like things can’t get any worse. I’m 27 and I still have no job, no license, and no place of my own. My friends are distant, for we talk on Facebook more than just talking face to face. And not only do I struggle with reading my DORS counselor’s face when she tells me I’m no longer going to be in Office Tech, I immediately get into hostility and start feeling physical pain when I hear a certain song that turns me off. (The exclamation death to Taylor Swift comes to mind, for instance.)
So far, I’ve bought my first ever coloring book since I was 10 years old, but this time is supposed to be a coloring book for adults. It has a steampunk theme to it, which I’ve already added some color to it using pencil. I also have another coloring book purchase in mind, one that is Doctor Who themed, featuring images of the twelve incarnations of the last Time Lord, his companions, and all of his enemies, ready to be painted with color.
Meanwhile, I’m reading a book about positive affirmations and here’s what I found out: You can heal yourself if you have a more positive outlook on life. It’s how so many people, according to the DVD of the same name of the book, have surpassed migraines and survived their cancerous tumors. Louise Hay, the writer of this book, held great big meetings for people who had AIDS and helped them overcome their worries about being a person who was HIV positive or worse, dying from its leading disease.
Then again, this coloring thing takes a lot of time off your hands and takes away time from writing.
I’m going to try not being worried about that. Since starting to read Louise Hay and post-reading Sara Bareilles’s new book, I found a new way of giving myself positive affirmations. Sara Bareilles wrote love letters to herself, saying, “You are beautiful”, so I’m doing that too. I’m hoping it should improve my mental state.
I’m not going to look at tonight as a sad funeral. I’m going to look at it as a family reunion, because there have been so many people I’ve met through John and Fran over the years, all of them karaoke performers. I might meet some new people as well.
So to sum this up, let this be a message to you. Positivity can heal. Negatives bring pain. The past can hurt, as they said in The Lion King. But the future can also bring happiness. Keep that in mind the next time you get sick and imagine yourself feeling better and nothing but positive light surrounding you.
Playlist selection- the only song I love by Andy Grammer, before he ruined his career with “Honey I’m Good”.