When I’m on Jimmy Fallon’s show

My Twitter cover photo for my handle RachelBeth99. All rights to BBC.

My Twitter cover photo for my handle RachelBeth99. All rights to BBC.

 

I’ve been trying to get on the Tonight Show “Hashtags” almost as long as Jimmy Fallon’s been on the show.

Whenever I flip on WBAL channel 11, the local NBC channel in Maryland, at 11:35 every Thursday, I listen to Fallon ramble about the puppet theatre that is the elections and cool news jokes to make the audience laugh. Then I wait patiently for him to break out the Hashtags with some help from the amazing hip hop group that is The Roots. But whenever he does the Hashtags, he never reads my Twitter handle in any of them, and I groan and sigh at all the other hashtags he picks to deliver at some point.

Jimmy_Fallon_at_deskHe keeps saying, “Within 30 minutes, the hashtag became a worldwide trending topic, so thank you for those tweets,” but my tweets don’t even get popular enough to get on the air. I’ve always wanted to get my name out there and have someone say my Twitter name- @RachelBeth99 (the 99 is a reference to Get Smart, and ok, THX1138 and the Toto song)- but it never happens. Maybe it’s because his writers don’t think I’m funny enough.

Or maybe that’s the reason I don’t have 50 followers on Twitter. I have 49, and occasionally someone follows me to make it an even 50 followers, but then that person leaves immediately, dropping my list back to 49 again.

A writing colleague of mine told me that the attention spans of people on Twitter are very fickle. One minute they follow you, and the next their attention is elsewhere. And I looked up a couple authors on Twitter- some have thousands of followers, while many popular ones (like Neil Gaiman- @neilhimself) are into the millions. As for their tweets, most of them are in the thousands, tweeting as often as they can.

So I’m guessing if I tweet more often, I’ll have more followers. I only have about 700 or so tweets that I posted, but it’s not enough to get at least 50 followers or more.

How do you get more followers, anyway, when tweeter people are so short-attention spanned?

I’m guessing by publishing a book.

And when I publish my novel and become a New York Times bestseller, I expect to be on Jimmy Fallon’s show to tell him about my Hashtags that he never picked. One of them I wrote was: “How about a phone app that makes a toilet flushing noise when you send a text message or tweet on Twitter? #MyGeniusIdea” Another one I posted was: “I’ve always thought of writing my novel using voice-activated software, but then I’d have trouble with AutoCorrect. #MyGeniusIdea”

I still think the writers on the show have ignored my tweets because they got lost in the shuffle of all the millions of people who tweeted on there. I can’t even rap that well for the #SpringRaps, all because I’m too white and The Roots would never approve.

I do like the things I posted for Shakespeare’s 400th birthday, which I hope I will also mention on the Tonight Show. “Tis #ShakespearesBirthday and I doth post on Twitter! To write! Or not to write! That… is the question.”

I even posted one of my favorite insults from Much Ado About Nothing, “She speaks poniards! And every word stabs!” I love Benedict and Beatrice, the perfect love-hate couple. And I keep picturing Kenneth Brannagh playing the role of Benedict, going, “I pray you, whhat hhis hhee?”

Doof.

An example of this foolery-

But no matter how much I tweet, I don’t get that many followers to get me anywhere close to just 50 followers. I want to at least have an even hundred or a thousand, if I’m lucky. I’d just be happy with that.

Still, when I go on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show, I want to see the audience cheering and laughing with me and I want to talk a little about my new book. It would be a very nice thing to have.

That, or I’ll just opt for visiting 30 Rock in New York just to be in the audience watching the show and giving the host a high five.

Playlist selection- Music that should be featured on Jimmy Fallon’s show when I walk onto the set

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