Nerd Queen rewatch: Avenging Coulson

This camera shot always freaks me out. It's a scary smile... Loki, I'm sorry, but I just don't like you.

This camera shot always freaks me out. It’s a scary smile… Loki, I’m sorry, but I just don’t like you.

Avengers (PG-13)

After watching this movie, I have to say that this is the one time where Loki is not attractive. At all.

I fail to see why he gets so many fangirls worshiping him after watching this movie. Near the end, Hulk clobbers his sorry ass and you can see it from a mile away! It’s the funniest and the coolest thing anyone sees!

Sorry, but Loki is a puny god who’s not worthy of fighting off the team of Avengers. He gets Black Widow pissed because he controlled Hawkeye, Hawkeye gets angry after he wakes up from being turned against SHIELD, Iron Man is pissed because Loki kills his friend Agent Coulson, Captain America’s not too happy either, and Bruce Banner is really mad because he didn’t want to fight anyway, but Loki unleashed the Hulk within him. And Thor is already angry for Loki making him think he was dead, taking the Tesseract and wanting to rule the Earth.

And just like Tony Stark says to Loki when he’s “threatening” him after offering him a drink, there is no version of this battle where Loki comes out on top. It’s basically a dog pile where all the Avengers clobber him and his army to death. I imagined the cartoon of this, which actually makes me giggle.

Probably the best part is when Hulk throws Loki around, literally, and he’s moaning on the crushed floor:

That's right, Loki. Stay. Down.

That’s right, Loki. Stay. Down.

Then Loki gets up after the long, winded battle of New York and says, “If it’s all the same to you, I’ll have that drink now.”

In this movie, he’s pure evil. At the start of the movie, he uses the Tesseract to enter the SHIELD base, and he turns Hawkeye, Eric Selvig, and some other SHIELD agents into his personal servants using the mind controlling scepter (which has an Infinity Stone that you see in Age of Ultron, creating the hero Vision). Then, Loki takes the Tesseract and steals the iridium from a secure vault in Germany to carry out his plan: open a portal in the middle of New York and send in his alien army from outer space to rule the Earth.

There is a funny part where Thor grabs Loki from the Quinjet and has a heated conversation with him, until Iron Man comes in and attacks Thor.

Thor: You listen well, brother… (Iron Man slams into him out of the way) Loki: I’m listening…

And when Thor and Iron Man start fighting each other after Tony’s comment, “Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?” and calling Thor a tourist, Loki just sits back to watch the fun. That’s the part where I ask him, “Do you want popcorn or soda?” That’s probably the one time where I’m laughing, because I know Loki has something up his sleeve when the Avengers capture him and throw him in Bruce Banner’s cage.

Probably the most difficult part to watch is where Black Widow confronts Loki and tries to figure out his plan of attack while he’s being held hostage. He almost gets Black Widow to break down in tears because of what he says he’s going to do to her friend Hawkeye: making him kill her slowly until he wakes up long enough to see what he’s done until Loki kills him too. And in the middle of it all, he calls Black Widow a “mewling quim”, such harsh words to say to a female hero.

It’s really hard to like the villains in the Avengers movies, as well as the other Marvel films, to be quite honest. I still don’t see why girls would line up to swoon over the bad guy. Loki is a lawful evil in this movie, for he’s following in the footsteps of Thanos, a chaotic evil, but he’s probably one of the nastiest villains in this movie. It’s really hard to love him, especially after he kills Phil Coulson.

But I will say, he was pretty good in this commercial with fellow British actor Ben Kingsley, whom also has played bad guys in other films.

“All the villains drive Jaguars… It’s good to be bad…” Guess I’ll drink to that. Makes me want to get my license to drive a fancy sports car. Too bad I can’t drive yet… dammit.

Anyway, Avengers is an awesome movie, but I don’t think I like Hiddleston in this one because he’s mean and wicked. So why do I feel this sinking feeling in my stomach, like I get whenever I see a cute guy in a suit? Or a cute guy playing trumpet? (See my Mardi Gras post from yesterday)

Nope, sorry, Tom, I’m not going to admit that you’re hot, no matter what movies you do. Unless you play a hero in some movie (Kong Skull Island, in theatres March 10), I’m not going to swoon. I’m not. Stop giving me the smile! Stop being cute or else!

Why me?

-The Nerd Queen


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