Before I started my day of writing today, I had the strangest dream where I almost woke up several times, saying the weirdest things in my sleep.
The dream played out like a movie I’d seen in theatres before, like Disney’s Zootopia meets Planet of the Apes. And this time, the movie dream featured me and Him, the celebrity actor I’ve been writing about in this blog for the past two weeks.
I know I’ve just broken my promise about never writing another blog post about Him ever again, but I have to get this out so I can stop dreaming about him. I should be dreaming about my boyfriend Anthony, for heaven’s sake. Not this weirdly attractive British actor I’ve seen in Marvel movies and Midnight in Paris. He’s also starring in a movie about King Kong, which debuts this Friday, by the way. That might be why I’m dreaming about him.
The dream began like this: All the animals and creatures of the world had become bipedal and learned to talk like humans. So much so, that they took over the world, and humans became the lower class, the servant class, to the animals. I was a common waitress in a hotel restaurant, while He was another servant who had dreams of becoming an actor. (And he still had that British accent, very sexy)
But while I was working in the hotel restaurant, Tom and I discovered a hidden cellar underneath the floor. It had multicolored lights in the walls, looking like it was covered with the Rainbow Bridge of the Bifrost in Thor. My words in reaction to it were, “Holy Asgard,” and he said, “Will you stop making fun of my performance as Loki?” But I really wasn’t making fun of him for that.
Then we found the owner of the hotel, who was some kind of beast or something, handling some evil doings with some of the predator gangsters on the streets- snakes, foxes, jaguars, tigers… and they were having a meeting to arrange their wicked ways. I tugged on Tom’s shirt and whispered, “Let’s get out of here before they see us.”
Tom said, “Good idea.” And we headed back for the ladder. But then I got stuck inside the hole in the floor at the top of the ladder- my hips were too wide for some reason. Quite frankly, I didn’t know how I pushed myself down there in the first place, though, I sort of said to myself, “I wish I didn’t have that orange chicken. Why am I so fat?”
So Tom said, “I’ll be right back,” and he was gone before I heard some of those evil animal gangsters chasing him and planning to stop him. I remember my dad’s friend Lance being in the dream too, for he was being controlled by the gangsters with their evil plan, and he was just about to leave the hotel when I said, “Lance! Help me!”
Lance said, “Sorry, Rachel, I’ve got to go. Can you close up?”
I shouted at him, “You’re being controlled! Listen to me, get me out of here! Something bad is about to happen!”
The next thing I know, Lance is gone, but Tom made it to the restaurant with some kind of spatula in his hands and the gangsters were far behind, probably trapped downstairs.
“How did you get up here?” I said.
“A very excellent question,” he said. “With my keen intellect.”
He kissed me, on the mouth. I could feel myself saying out loud in my sleep, “That was a perfect first kiss.”
Then he said, “Push as hard as you can,” took the spatula, and slid my hips out of the hole as I pushed with my legs and fell onto the floor. I swear, that hole must have been for a bunny or something.
We both ran out of the hotel and saw more bad guys going in there from the alleyway while we both searched for a place to hide. But when the police arrived, they interrogated me, saying, “You were seen leaving a private area that was restricted to humans. Where were you twenty minutes ago?”
The police officers were a polar bear and a koala, by the way. Intimidated, I said, “We were heading home from work. I swear, I didn’t see anything unusual, and I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
So the police let us go. The next thing I know, Tom found us a place to hide, with a married couple of humans and their kids in a great big house that the woman’s sister, a famous bunny actress, left to her when she bought another place in Paris. And while we relaxed there in hiding, we started talking about how great movies used to be before the animals took over. When real actors and actresses ruled the screens, like Ingrid Bergman, Cary Grant, Amy Adams, Emma Stone, Robert Downey Jr., Gene Wilder, Gene Kelly, Audrey Hepburn and Anne Hathaway. I also told her how Tom was a struggling actor in plays, but he would never become famous again like he used to be because of the animals ruling the world.
And just before I could see what happened next, I woke up.
This would be a very cool movie for kids, to be honest, but I don’t think it would sell. But at least in my dreams, I got a kiss from Tom Hiddleston.
Why do I keep having these weird dreams anyway??? I don’t have a celebrity crush on Loki; my crushes are on Doctor Strange/ Sherlock, the Eleventh Doctor from Doctor Who and the Chrises: Captain Kirk from Star Trek Into Darkness (Pine), Captain America (Evans), Star Lord Peter Quill (Pratt) and Thor, God of Thunder (Hemsworth).
Oh crap, I hate to admit this, but Hiddleston is kind of hot. And whatever medicine I’m on for bipolar depression is making me have the weirdest dreams.
I’ll admit it, dreams do make good stories, but is something making me high?
-The Lady in the Blue Box